Im not going to go into all the details of birth. But I was admitted on Tursday night, and and had her on Friday afternoon. I did have another epidural after going the night, so i was to call when i felt ‘pressure’. I was dilated to a three for over a month and was till at a three. Within 30 minutes after breaking my water i was HOLDING her in and yelling at Dan to go search the halls for a nurse. There was no time to be polite and call! I gave two pushes and she was out in my arms. No tears, no burns, not anything! the Lord was sooo good.
She was 6 pounds 13 ounces, and 20 1/2 inches long. Absolutely PERFECT, so small, and joyful. Her name fit her so well.
TThis first picture is when she was in the nursery before they transferred her
And the second once she arrived at Childrens Mercy
See this nastiness!? I looked like i weighted at least 400 pounds!
She fell asleep in my arms for about thirty minutes. Once they started to clean her up they decided to take her to the nursery and watch her.
My mom arrived around that time, and the doctor came back in to have a ‘sit down’ talk with me. I think my heart literally stopped beating. He was concerned with her breathing and heart. He told me that there was alot of muffled noise in her chest and they couldn’t tell alot at this point. They were considering a heart murmur and multiple other things. He said if she wasnt improving in the next bit they were going to ship her down town to Children’s Mercy.
I was blacking out and the room was spinning. Once he left, I had to clear my mind. I had my mom call Dan, (who took his sister home) and let him know what was going on, while i stumbled to the shower my legs still numb.
I went to see her in the nursery as they were about to load her up and take her away. I got to talk to her, and hold her little hands. It was the hardest ting to do, she breathing was so deep and she was struggling so hard just to get one breath. The people came and loaded and buckled her into a incubator, and i had to watch these people take my daughter away.
The words were gone. What can you possibly say to them? Say to your baby? My mom took a nurses chair and was verging on passing out, i finally let out my tears, with the last gasp of air before they went down the hall i said,
“Drive safe” thats all i could say, get her there safe, make it there. Take her like she was their own, and drive safe. Im trusting you….
I went back to my room and cried. I had to wait to see her. I only held her once, and i was stuck away from her. My mom stayed with me that night, which was such a blessing. I was so upset and was feeling a disconnect with her already. I was starting to withdraw myself, but pulled through to the next day. Dan spent the night up with Elsie, you aren’t able to sleep at all at the NICU in the rooms so he stayed awake talking to her and reading his word aloud to her.
I was let go way to early so i could go be with my baby. I was swollen the size of Texas, from my hips down. I literally had huge kankles, it was gross.
The next nine days were a world in and of them its self. I dont think i have ever been so weak, and at my lowest. To leave one child and go to the other was heart wrenching. And since we were not able to sleep at the hospital at all we had to leave at night. The absolute hardest part of all the experience was to pull out of the parking lot and look at the building and know your baby was there, by herself. There just aren’t words to tell you the pain and helplessness you have as a parent.
I know i would never be able to explain the feelings accurately, so i will spare myself having to go back and you more reading! SO here are some pictures to sum up those ten days. Some of her journey to health.
I am only posting a few, of our camera pictures. Most of the pictures we took were on my iphone, and i just do not have the time to go though all of them. Im also not editing or making them fun on the page…. just deal… ;)
She was diagnosed with bad pneumonia, and her chest was full of fluid. Thus her troubles breathing, and her heart rate.