Over the last few weeks I have been auditing a class at IHOPU. The life of Christ in the Gospels. It has been one of those things that is so transforming, to me on the whole. Even listening to Dan’s Christology cd something is tugging at my heart, the missing piece my mind couldn’t put words on. My place, and my ministry. I want to bring Jesus to the Bride, through who is really is, through His life.
When I spent my first few hours (ever) in the Prayer Room on a short visit to Kansas City it was something that penetrated my heart. All the years of trying to figure out words to my heart it was finally like, here it is. Everything seemed to fall into place. Not long after that I was called out here by the Lord, to do my first year of school and so on and so fourth.
Going through all the motions and teachings over the last five years, really there is so much to offer, so ‘occupations’ in the Kingdom, but nothing seemed to fit quite right. When we had Bodie I officially became a home mom, staying home working out life in a new way. Not able to go to the prayer room for the hours I was doing, or school which was what I came to do. I was at home, mostly learning what it means to really lay down your life, pick up love, and humility. Really learning trying to have joy at home and communion with Jesus in a truly barren place. I guess it was really was founding me in who He was, and who I am. What am I hear for? What was I created for, I mean really?
Over the last two years I really have found joy in the barren, seeking out Him in the midst of everyday life with kids. I don’t know how to quite express it, but I feel like I have slipped into my place. Now Dan is much more of the theological kind who always has the words to say whats going on in his heart and where he is going. There is always a goal. He can voice what really his calling is in 24/7, servanthood, thats His deep place, but I have found when talking to supporters or whoever about MY heart, I feel like I just I talk in fumbled words about Jesus and His life. I know its all one reality, but I hope you are following.
Since taking this class I have that same feeling of my heart finally coming into words as I am seeking out the life of Christ Jesus in the gospels. Every single little detail that is so often over looked of His life. Its who He is. Something that we lack on the whole in Christianly I think. His actual life in four different accounts, each shedding light on Him, on the Father. Its who the bible is written about. The whole point of everything. This is my part, its like my missing piece has fallen into place.
Its something that I feel like has come full circle in the last five years. After being grounded in who I am, and laying it down at home I have finally come into the place the Lord has been bringing me on this journey. Everyone has their place to really bring Jesus into this world, wether it be missions, the ending of sex slavery, 24/7 worship and prayer, preaching, all of it, ( and yes,all of it is one reality), but you get what Im saying. ;) Hopefully.
All this to say, well I don’t really know, but this class has been so, so powerful. I will be probably be taking it again in the near future, even to go deeper apart from normal life and my own meditating. My heart is so full of tenderness, I get struck with tears randomly in yearning for His return, longing for Him. Even just the other night in the Prayer room, the room was really up beat, dancing, while we sang Prince of Peace, and I was weeping. Seeing the heights at which He belongs to the depth He came. He is the Alpha and Omega, King of Kings, yet he came to the human race and took up our frame. I still have yet to even begin to process what is going on in the depths of my heart. He is so good. Its obviously still jumbled in me. All the parts of how I was created, and my giftings are feeling alive in such a new way. Even prophecy is so fresh, and good, easily flowing from a new place, deeper. And I do have to say it has been a great break in life, my own time away from my family. ;)
This is (scratching the surface) of whats going on in me right now. Im not one to really talk about ME, but here is your yearly update… HA!