Uniqueness of the Heart

It is the glory of God to conceal a thing: but the honour of kings is to search out a matter.

Pr. 25:2

This last week has been a beating on us as a family. Bodie has been much more emotional and defiant then normal. Tantrums, yelling, and time out have literally been running our home this last week. My house has never been this messy, I have have been battling headaches and migraines for days, Elsie has gracefully taken the back burner to her brother, Bode has been very sick and recovering, and Dan is steadily loving us in all of our chaos.

I never imagined parenting easy by any means, but I also never imagined having a ‘bodie’ either. He will truly change the world, and has the strength to do it completely by himself. I dont say that lightly or as a pep talk to myself, but in all honestly he lives life to the absolute fullest in the good or bad. And being a mom to one of ‘those’ is not easy either. Why or how the Lord chooses is a mystery to me. Maybe I need the change more then most..

Everything seems to be a down this last week with him and a battle royal for us. Not getting to watch movies, or a veggie Tales, or getting a cookie when he demands, milk after we pour juice and the list goes on and on to even the smallest battles of not crunching crackers on the floor and having his bink not just for bed.

Something has to give at some point. We have tried every kind of discipline, love, everything. But the tantrums and screaming still exists. Im not a crazy bootcamp kind of mom but my kids are going to be respectful and kind and loving even when they dont want to, because thats love. The Father treats us the same.

At my breaking point today in prayer and searching out wisdom on his heart and stewarding it rightly as a parent, the lord spoke so softly,

 I carry your heart unique to you, to how you were created.     Why would you handle his any different?

Oh….. right. If im not dealing with his heart in the way it was formed and feels loved how will I ever bring discipline unto him desiring Jesus through it all. Im not talking unique in boy and girl and every child is different kinda way, but in how we were created and how we are loved.  A very seasoned mother told me one time “Just be a ‘yes’ mom”. Until today I thought that was crazy. After yet another humbling and banging my head kind week Im beginning to understand.

With Bodie, everything is a battle, unless one of us gives. His heart needs some yes’es. So maybe that means a cookie for a snack, or an extra movie. The kids doesnt take any down time in the day and has to work twice as hard as any of us. Why not? When it is purely out of desire and not out of boredom or replacing something like a movie for something.

At the end of the day, does he have joy, peace, love, know love, give love, seek Jesus? Thats what matters. Not if he uses a bink at two Im pretty sure he wont have it in high school. (hopefully) Even today i said yes and let him go watch Dragons while I cleaned and played with Elsie. He has yet to be disobedient or anything. If anything he is happy, Elsie got momma time and i got the house slightly picked up. I would say that is a win. Movies is an easy example right now, but even in a movie he chills out, afterwards he uses his imagination way more, his talking is better, and he is happy and able to love on his sister more.

Now my home isnt turning over to free for all, I love my kids too much or that. And flat disobedience is different then battles…But a ‘yes’ and even discipline each go further when carrying a heart unique to how it was created I am going to be a yes mom. And I will carry his heart rightly, and i will love past my knowledge through Jesus.  It may not look text book, but it works. Even past my own ideas and walls, I will love rightly.

If you had not seen of my twitter feed, bodie is a healing kinda man. thats what his heart prays for on a consistent basis outside of us and our nudgings. He has prayed for me multiple times and has had instant results. the other day I woke up with full blown pink eye, showered got ready did the morning and it was still there hours later. I had Boy pray for me and within 20 minutes it was 100% gone and I was healed! Lets hear an AMEN! ;) Oh to have faith like a child!!

Parenting is not easy but it truly is a honour to search it out. 

Advertisements

KC Zoo 2011

Today we finally ventured out to the zoo! Some of my favorite places on earth are zoos, and my husband is completely tolerant of my childlike nature. ;) Anne, Pam (Anne’s mom) Eden, and Little Avery came along too, the more the merrier right? Annnnd Boy and Eden only got in one fight! (amazing) ;) I tried to cut out 90% of my pictures and collage the other to show you and save some time.

Enjoy.

I am terrified of birds flying around like this… (obviously) but braved it and had fun :)
Our poor little bird was the outcast beat up guy. Shaking, mostly featherless, and deformed feet. It was a Jesus loves me kinda thing for me :)


Blog Neglect

My last post was in March, and it was before we had our Elsie… That my friends is called ‘Blog Neglect’.  I’ve been wanting to post for weeks, but we have seriously been so busy its crazy. You know since we have two kids and all. Ill be doing better, I promise.

We have been doing great, lots of chaos, but good. Since I went into preterm labor we literally have had or been around company since. It has been wonderful with all the help, but still a little off beat with the schedules and learning about how to ‘do’ two kids, and still find time to eat, shower, or even just brush my teeth.

ALL you already know this but little Elsie Joy was born on April 1. She was six pounds thirteen ounces, and twenty and a quarter inches long. She spend 9 of the longest, hardest, and most enduring days at the NICU downtown. More about that later. She is home and healthy now coming up on 2 and a 1/2 months!! WHOA!

Boy is doing good, getting more and more anery by the day. We call him ‘Reign of Destruction’ most days. Which is fitting after the hours and hours of picking up after him. He can empty the salt shaker at his feet in seconds, which i think is is favorite thing to do right now. We had to finally get a freezer lock due to him constantly getting in there and bringing me the pop ice popsicles, along with all the little puddles of water i find around the house of melted ice. ;) Lets just say he keeps me on my toes. He is also in a big boy bed, has been for a few weeks now. Doing great! We put the baby gate infront of his door so he cant just walk out when he wants. But he sleeps through the night, and will play in there for a bit (buying me time) in the morning. Nap time can be a bit rough some days, but he is learning to sleep when hes tired instead of just keep pushing thought it until break down mode.

Dan is doing good as well. He actually just got another job at the House of Prayer. So over the next month we will be transitioning into that along with reducing his Starbucks hours. This is a HUGE step for us. Something we have been waiting for, for three years. We will finally (90%) be in ministry which is the whole reason we came out here. HE is so good to us! Ill let Dan post about it all later, on his blog and when he does ill let you all know. Until then you’ll have to wait! ;)

Im also doing well. After Elsie was born i was up and going. Mainly because I didn’t have time to think about how I felt but had to focus on her and getting her healthy. So i was up and going from that night on. The Lord was SO good during the birth though, no tears, not anything. I literally went from 4cm to holding her within 30 minutes. I was grossly swollen from my feet down, for about a week. Since then i have been trying to figure out life. Its a whole new world having two. Mainly trying to find time for the things you need to do, you know like eat, sleep, brush your teeth, laundry, dishes, everything.

WELP, life is calling in the form of a baby cry, and tired hubby tonight (hes been so good to me today in letting me sleep to fight off this cold!). I will be posting some pics of everyone here soon!!

Ash

Where we are now

I haven’t updated in a while now, mainly due to lack of energy and time. So tonight everyone was asleep by 9:30 (except me as usual) and i have finished my blog surfing and Pintrest ‘pinning’, and thought before i hit the sack i would just do a quick filler in of life the last few days/weeks.

I am doing good. Pregnancy is getting harder for sure and I am getting bigger as I enter the home stretch. I am still having lots of pelvic pain, it hurts to sleep, roll over at night get up and down from sitting, just the norm i guess with your second and having then so close together. My energy is seriously dwindling more and more by the day. Most days its SO frustrating just being able to take care of Bodie and what HE needs and ignoring my other duties, like you know like the essential things; laundry, dishes, picking up, brushing my own teeth, all of it. Then my amazing husband kindly and patiently reminds me that I am pregnant and deal with a wild man all day, and am 34 weeks pregnant. (oh right thats why im so tired and on edge) Thank you Lord for such and amazing man in my life, that understands and puts up with literally everything I throw at him. Other then that this pregnancy is still flying by. We got little Miss’s room painted and put in order mostly. Bodie was a TROOPER and loved helping for her arrival. I have to say im half feeling guilty that her room is decorated and cute and Boy’s is still white and makeshift. oops. We are still deciding what we really want to do with his now that he is getting older.

Dan is working away, and so good at it for us. Never complains, always goes WAY above and beyond what he needs to at work, and then comes home to do us, and you know all the stuff i haven’t…… :/ He is amazing, the Lord has seriously given him an unmeasurable amount of grace in parenting and our marriage. (thank you Jesus) Thanks love for all you do, it really doesn’t go unseen. I am eternally grateful. :) He is also doing a lot more blogging when he can, and they are so good!

And of course Boy. He is……how do i say it…… a handful. :) In a good and one year old kinda way. He has the best personality ever, so funny and anery . He knows what is really funny and whats not.  He is a  product of his mother. All the spicy went to him. Which is so good and so hard to learn to deal with for him. I have to remind myself of how i get as an adult with things and situations and remember that he is dealing with the same things as a one year old, thus the frustration and tantrums of learning how to harness that for good. Its a hard road for him and us as parents at this point. But he is such a good kid its hard to be mad. His whole goal in life is to be obedient and good, and when hes not he knows it and gets upset. (well most of the time) ;) He really loves the Lord too, when we watch the prayer room in the mornings he will really get into it or a song he enjoys and close his eyes and worship. It melts my heart to see that at such a young age. He is wired for music though (all from daddy) i love that as well. He is SO musically inclined already it amazes me. Even when hes goofing around he will air guitar. He unfortunately  still hates anything that has to do with crafting or creating. I decided that music it is and i wont force it on him. He does enjoy taking pictures himself though. Maybe next post i will put up the pictures he takes. They are surprisingly good and accurate. :) Hmm, i could go on and on about his blooming personality and interests.

Little Elsie, lets see, Im 34 weeks now. Which puts her at around 4 1/2 pounds and just over 18 inches long. WHOA! Thats huge! She is so different form Boy in my tummy already. She rolls around and pushes out alot. in every direction just always pushing and stretching. My ribs are constantly sore from her feet pushing on them all day. She also is most active in the quiet surroundings, at night, and once Boy is down. Bodie was awake when there was noise, wasn’t going to miss a thing! ;) I am hoping for a more quiet and relaxed personality like me for her. but would also love another spit fire. We will see.

I think thats all the strength i have for tonight, seriously my eyes are blurry and my spelling is outrageous right now. whoa. I think its way over time for bed. Hopefully i will post some of the things i have really been wanting to here soon. Maybe i will make a list so i dont forget. yeah here we go really quickly. So you can hold me accountable ;)

~Picture Bodie has taken

~Some of my favorite things

~More on what the Lord is doing on my heart

~WAY over due projects i have done over the last two years

~Elsie’s room

Ok well thats it i dont want to let myself down now or you :) Oh and i know i disclaimer my posts BUT tonight i tried out the auto correct due to how tired i was and ended up turning it off half way, so if a word is totally random it was the auto correct tonight. haha 8)

A very tired and delusional,

Ash